Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Review: 'This Album Will Make You Kill Yourself', Glasvegas


That's not the real title of this album, but listen to this and tell me you're not Googling 'noose tying lessons' by the time you get halfway through. This album is just so insanely embarrassing, it gives indie music a horrible name, it is an affront to manhood, and it made me consider slashing my wrists with my own iPod.

These guys are actually popular. They were on David Letterman. They're Scottish. Usually this could add up to something. This adds up to nothing. 

Honestly, not since Bright Eyes' recording of 'Silent Night' have you been more easily able to picture a guy sitting in a hotel room with a loaded gun and a bottle of whiskey, trying to decide which to put in his mouth next. Visualize this scenario when you listen these guys sing 'Flowers and Football Tops', about the cops telling a mom her son is dead ... OH MY. They actually sing 'You Are My Sunshine' at the end of this song. I am not kidding. I am still stunned. I am so embarrassed for them. They do not care. 

Consider the song 'Stabbed'. The guy repeats over and over 'I'm gonna get stabbed'. Over and over. Until you are rooting for the people coming to get him, like the stupid people in horror movies running around a house screaming so they give the killer a perfect idea of where they are.

You almost have to wonder if you're listening to a parody album put out to mock mopey emo guys. I am going to throw this out there: This band is a joke, not figuratively (although that is also true), but literally. This is a group of guys who are literally trying to see how much melodramatic, over-emotive crap people will buy before anyone calls Bullshit.

I could go on. I can't go on. I will go on. I'm not even rating these songs. They're all bad. I wish iTunes had some sort of reverse billing where bands like this could pay me money for the time wasted listening to them (Grizzly Bear, yes you, Grizzly Bear). Don't buy this. Especially if you've had a bad day and keep sharp things around the house. 

1 comment:

Cahal said...

Will definitely avoid this. Though your review was so scathing that I now want to hear it so I can experience the awfulness for myself.