Uncle Ted is the “drive at five” rock block champion of Michigan. He’s way bigger there than The Boss is in Nueva Jersey. We know this because we’ve visited his giant bow hunting mega store in Jackson, Michigan, after scarfing down a cheeseburger and root beer float at an A&W Restaurant. The store itself is just fantastic if you are fine with the fact that it is not more than a mile or two from a giant state prison. The Motor City Madman has always been always enjoyably insane, but he’s actually getting even crazier with age. His recent “Anthony Bourdain No Reservations” appearance was eye-opening in that he definitely takes all of this shit oh so seriously. Maybe that’s precisely what makes him so awesome.
He’s also about 250 pounds these days, which is starting to make me wonder if his “kill it and grill it” lifestyle isn’t as healthy as he claims. Discipline, Uncle Ted, DISCIPLINE! That’s fine, though, Uncle Ted never ceases to make us laugh, and sadly, convince us that WE are the schmucks and he’s got it all figured out. Consider this tasty snippet of Uncle Ted’s lifestyle from the afore-linked Salon article:
“So it's lunchtime. What are you eating? I'm eating this most miraculous protein. I can only tell you it was made by my buddy, Pete the butcher, in Reed City, Michigan. This guy is my favorite Pollack. He creates a wild boar-venison combination kielbasa to die for. [Squeals] It's so good, it's almost like sex! And yes, I cooked it myself, because I am very independent. I breed my own wife, play my own guitar, shovel my own horseshit, chop my own wood, grow my own trees and scare my own white people. Thank you very much. “
Awesome.
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