Our favorite self-mythologizer recently released a statement saying he is retiring from music and blogging. The former, we kinda care about – we’d like The Cardinals to keep the muhfuckin' rock coming. The muthafuckin' ROCK, we say. The latter is news only in the sense that it’s a giant fucking relief. The problem with Senor Adams is that he is almost impossible to like or dislike based on his musical output alone. There’s just so much Gawker-style nonsense that goes on outside of the records he releases. (He is now engaged to Mandy Moore, for example. You read that right. We can’t wait for the breakup album.)
Some cats saw his video of “New York, New York” shoved down our throats after 9/11 and called him out as a gigantic hump (we didn’t). Some have seen him play a 30-minute version of “L.A. Woman” at The Roseland and responded with a 30 minute hoisting of the middle finger (we did). Let’s just say that we understand why Paul Westerberg can’t stand this dude. Why does he whine so? Why does he record rap songs? Why does he blog about satellites and Mars and diet coke and Slayer? Why do I know how many speedballs he did at HiFi with Parker Posey in 2003? Why the fuck did Brownies ever shut down in the first place? Goddammit.
Himself actually spoke to Adams outside of the Bowery Ballroom, sharing a cigarette and discussing some Discovery Channel show about satellites while Adams giggled like a schoolboy and Himself's ass got all wet from sitting on the sidewalk in the rain. This says more about Himself than Adams, as one of them was too drunk to think to stand under something. What an asshole!
There will be no answers to our questions about Adams and yet, the guy has like 30+ classic, classic tunes in his catalogue at this point. If he could avoid stabbing himself and us in the eyeball every now and then, he might not be regarded as a one-man humpstrumental. That’s his perogative though, I guess. Chuck Klosterman is inclined to think that he’s an underrated semi-genius and we are inclined to agree with 80% of the things Klosterman says. Ergo, Ryan Adams is 80% semi-genius, 20% hump. Cheers, Ryan. You’ve made it.